It Takes Two (Minutes)…
Interviewer: Good morning, Tan and Fred. How are you today?
Tan: Oh hey, hi, you look great today. Wow, actually you look really great. Can I kiss you?
Interviewer: Oo, no, if that’s okay. I just saw you eat poo.
Tan (smiling coyly): Oops, rumbled.
Fred: Er, hello, I am here. Attention please. I’d like a hearty stroke down my back and a bit of sausage please.
Interviewer: Sorry, Fred. How are you?
Fred: Well, humph, the day started well. I was feeling fairly chipper. Sadly, I got a bit carried away barking at the goats and Laura told me off. Quite frankly, I plunged into a black fug of emotion and found myself sitting on a damp patch of grass, staring at a chewed tennis ball, wondering about the meaning of it all.
Interviewer: I’m sorry to hear that, Fred. Tan, I can see you creeping closer and you’ve got that look in your eye. No kisses please.
Tan: You know, love solves all problems.
Fred: In fact, it was a big kiss from Tan that made me feel better this morning. I’d highly recommend it.
Interviewer: I often see you and Tan licking each other’s mouths, Fred. What’s that all about?
Fred: I see Tan as a bit of a mother figure. We’re both sanctuary dogs. She’s been here a long time; I’ve been here a long time. We’re family.
Interviewer: Tan, seriously, do not bring that tongue any closer! Why are you in sanctuary, Fred?
Fred: I’ve been told I’m a good boy but a bit over-loyal. I loved my family so much I wouldn’t let anyone near them which, looking back, did cause a few, minor issues within the home.
Interviewer: Well, you’re both very affectionate and loyal. Do you see that as something you have in common?
Tan: Hey, aren’t we all just one in the cosmic universe anyway?
Fred: Ahem, I’m very much an individual, a bit of a loner, if I’m honest. I’m probably closest to Tan but I wouldn’t say we are one. Sorry Tan.
Tan: Hey, no worries at all, my friend. Oh, um, say, would you mind coming here lovely volunteer, I’d like to whisper something in your ear.
Interviewer: Sure. Gah, no, pffff, kisses, urgh…
Tan (winking): Got you, you gorgeous person wrapped in planet Earth’s finest man made, waterproof materials.
Interviewer: You get me every time.
Tan: You see? It’s easier to just give in.
Fred: Excuse me, would you please give me another hearty stroke? It feels so reassuring.
Interviewer: Of course. Come here!
Tan: Oo, I’ll take one of those please, and a head rub,…and a kiss?
Interviewer: Nooooo, please! Noooo…